


Okay.

by lorene



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Amputation, Amputee AU, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Temporary Amnesia, disabled AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6847297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorene/pseuds/lorene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re just acting like nothing even happened.”</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the other man turn his head away and sighed deeply. “I’m not trying to act like nothing happened Alex,  but I am trying so hard to hold myself together right now. You know, this-”, he gestured towards Alex’s leg. “-is not easy for me either.”</p><p>He looked at Brendan, who now had tears forming in his eyes. “Well, how do you think I feel? I’m the one who got in the accident and lost my leg. I can’t walk like a normal person for the rest of my life, Brendan.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Okay.

**Author's Note:**

> All typos, mistakes are mine. 
> 
> I've never had amnesia or a limb amputated before, so the way this all this is most likely wildly accurate. But hey- its all fake so who cares. Enjoy.

His body was numb. His mind was empty. He was floating in everything and nothing. Any thoughts that came to him were immediately  washed away by the eerie feeling of complete and utter euphoria. If this was what death felt like, he never wanted to live again.

 

“-f you can hear me, can you open your eyes?”, A rather annoying voice spoke loudly, filling the room with what seemed to be unnecessary noise. He focused on attempting to lift his fingertips to test his strength at the moment and when he did so he became aware of a faint beeping sound that came every few seconds.

 

“Alex, can you hear me? If you are in any pain, try your best to lift or move your hand.” He kept his hand still, although his head was starting to spin.

 

Alex wanted to open his eyes but his eyelids felt like heavy iron plates. He was pretty sure he was in the hospital, but had no recollection of how he could have gotten there.

 

Someone started poking and prodding at him, but Alex’s mind was foggy and he just wanted so badly to go back to sleep. 

 

Not trying to fight the fatigue anymore, he fell back into the white unconsciousness. 

  
  


“-He might experience acute amnesia, but that is treatable. He will be required to go to therapy, to deal with emotional trauma he will most likely be in. The accident…”

 

_ Who are they talking about?  What accident? _

 

Alex was able to open his eyes slightly, he saw two people standing beside his bed. There was a woman wearing a white lab coat who obviously, was the doctor and the other was a short, sullen looking man with furrowed brows and a deep grimace on his face. A phone rang, interrupting  them. “One second, I have to take this.”, he said and left the room.

 

As the man was leaving, Alex tried to get a better look at his face. That was when the doctor did a double take at him and smiled warmly, crossing the room.

 

His vision was blurring out so Alex blinked a few times and he looked around at a very  _ white  _ room. 

 

_ What the fuck happened… _

 

“Oh good, you're awake. Alexander, do you feel any pain?”, that voice was the same voice he heard earlier when he first woke up.

The doctor was a kind looking Indian woman with wide hazel eyes, she had a gentle expression on her face as she scanned his eyes for any sign of pain. When he tried to speak, his voice cracked and came out to a whisper. He looked at the cup of water sitting on the bedside table to his left. 

 

“Oh dear, you must be thirsty...”, she explained, helping him sit up a little bit to take a sip through the straw. 

 

Trying to sit up a little bit, a jolt of fear shot into his chest when noticed the slight numbness in his legs. He panicked and made a noise as he looked to the doctor. 

 

“Alex, I’m going to need to you keep calm okay?” 

 

He nodded quickly, not knowing if he wanted to hear the next part.

 

“You were involved in a freak car accident two days ago. You suffered from a few minor injuries and a slight concussion. You’re right lower leg was severely injured. We had to amputate it. I am terribly sorry.” 

 

He felt the walls start to cave in around him, the air was being sucked out of him. He couldn’t breathe. Her words kept playing in his head over and over again. 

 

_ We had to amputate it. _

 

She lifted back the thin white blanket to reveal half of his leg had been amputated. 

 

Suddenly, he threw up all over himself. Coughing and wheezing, trying to catch his breath, tears streaming down his already clammy face. He felt like he was going to faint. A few nurses entered the room to calm him down and clean him up. 

 

He looked down at his vomit covered shirt, trying to blink away the sweat and tears that were blocking his vision. He could see the bright red line peaking out of his cast, where the incision begun, right above his knee cap where they took his leg. 

 

_ Where they took his leg. _

 

A few hours later, he was sitting up in his bed with a new gown on. He sat up, staring at the outline of his now amputated leg. After he went into shock, the nurses had quickly covered it back up. He was in complete and utter disbelief. 

 

How does anyone begin to accept that a limb- a limb that has been attached to them all their life, was apart of  _ them-  _ was just  _ gone _ ? 

 

The door opened and in walks the man he saw earlier. When he noticed Alex was up and awake, man had stood there for a second and took a deep breath before walking over to the side of his bed and leaned in to hug him so tightly, the intensity of it all had made tears form in Alex’s eyes, burning and threatening to fall. 

 

“I am so sorry, baby.”, the man whispered.  _ Oh.  _ They must have been close. Alex was really freaking out now. 

 

They obviously knew each other but Alex couldn't place who this man was or how he knew him. The man pulled away but kept their faces close together. When he was able to get a good look at his face, there was  _ something  _ remotely familiar about him- but for the life of him, Alex just couldn't remember. 

 

His thumb was stroking lightly under Alex’s eye which felt bruised and swollen. 

 

“I was so worried about you Alex, you know that I  _ can't  _ lose you. I don't know what I would have done without you. I really don't, but I am  _ so  _ glad you are  _ alive _ . It could have been  _ so _ much worse, baby.” 

 

The words were spoken so intimately and genuine that Alex almost didn't want to tell him he didn't know who he was. 

 

“I-..”

 

“It's okay, you don't have to say anything right now. Do you want some water? Do you need anything?” 

 

The man’s eyes were red and tired like he’s been crying. He was still cradling Alex’s face lovingly in his warm hands. Alex didn't really know what to do. He shook his nodded his head and gestured to the bottle of water. 

 

“Okay, yeah.” The man leaned over to open the bottle for him and lifted the straw up to Alex’s chapped lips so he could take a drink. 

 

He could not have been more relieved- nothing in this world sounded better than water. 

 

Taking long sips, he savoured the cold, refreshing liquid. His mouth still tasted like vomit and his throat was so itchy, but it made him momentarily forget about his leg.

 

“Alex, I just- you know that I love you more than anything, right?” The man watched him as drank more water, his free hand resting on Alex’s thigh. 

 

Once he was finished, he cleared his throat and looked the man in his sad green eyes and choked out, “I'm so sorry but I don't know who you are.” 

  
  


Alex had learned a lot in the last few days. He was now 26, it was the year 2020 and the man who has been by his side 24/7 all this time was named Brendan Gallagher.

 

Apparently, he and Brendan had been on and off in a relationship for four years now. He-  _ they _ \- lived in Toronto, just as Alex had remembered. He was told that on the day of the accident, Alex was on his way to Lake Ontario where he, Brendan and his parents were supposed to be staying/visiting for the weekend. 

 

It was a Friday evening and was just beginning to storm. Alex ended up getting held back late at work so he told Brendan to go ahead and he would just meet them there. Brendan was a little annoyed with that, which led to an argument, which left Alex pissed off and a little shaken up. Though the cause of the accident was from a head on collision with another driver that wasn't paying attention.

  
  


Alex felt pretty comfortable with Brendan, despite having no memory of him or the last five years of his life. It was obvious that Brendan was in love with him. 

 

Alex saw it in his eyes every time they made eye contact, heard it in his voice every time the other man reminisced a story that happened in the past, and felt it every time Brendan laid a hand on the back of his neck or when he brushed the back of his hand against Alex’s stubbly cheek. 

 

It was clear that Brendan was a very touchy, feely type of person and the fact that Alex, a couple days ago didn't know who he was him, didn't seem to matter.

 

He was constantly asking Brendan questions.

 

His only sister had her first baby last month, he worked as hockey coach at a local high school, and they were parents to three dogs, who Brendam seemed to  _ adore _ . From the stories Brendan was telling Alex, they seemed to have a great life together and for the most part- were really happy. 

 

With each day passing, it was getting a little more easier to swallow the fact that half of his leg was missing. Brendan was being so unbelievably supportive, Alex couldn’t help but feel a little  _ guilty  _ for how difficult he was being, at times.

 

Although his memory still wasn't 100%, he felt like he trusted the other man enough to take care of him. After all they had been together for  _ four years. _

 

 

*

The doctors had given him the okay to be released today, which was a relief. He was anxious to forget what a nightmare this past week had been and get back to the life he had forgotten.

 

By this time Alex had learned how to sit up and swing his one leg over the bed by himself as waited for Brendan to help him into his wheelchair. 

 

“Okay, I think we have everything.”, Brendan scanned the room one last time. He looked excited to go home. “Are you ready to go home, babe?”, he asked softly.

 

Alex looked up at him and took a deep breath. “As ready as I will ever be, I guess.”

 

Brendan placed a backpack that held clothes for Alex in his lap and smiled sweetly, his eyes crinkling at the sides. 

 

“I know that you don't have your memory back completely yet, but I  _ know  _ that once were home in  _ normalcy-  _ it will come back quickly. I'm so happy that you're coming home”, he ran his hand through Alex’s slightly grown out hair and added “The dogs are going to be so happy to see you again!” 

 

Alex’s heart jumped a bit. He was nervous.

 

_ Of course _ he wanted to get back to his life, he  _ wanted  _ to move on. But it was going to take some time and he was trying to be okay with that.

 

As Brendan pulled into their driveway, Alex couldn't help but made a surprised noise. They lived in a nicer house than he expected, in the suburbs. 

 

Brendan turned the car off and unbuckled his seatbelt. 

 

“Welcome home.”, he smiled. He hopped out of the car and hurried over to the other side and help Alex out.

 

Brendan opened the front door for him and the second Alex wheeled into the entryway, three dogs trotted over to greet them. Barking out of excitement and jumping on him, seeing how  _ happy _ they were to see  _ him _ \- made Alex want to cry. 

 

He took a look around and started to explore his own house. It was simple and homely, there were a few dishes in the sink and there were dog toys sprawled across the carpet throughout the house.

 

The last room he wheeled into looked like his bedroom,  _ their _ bedroom. It was big and roomy with a huge window that looked onto the decent sized backyard. 

 

Everything was neat and organized on one side of the room and the other side looked more lived in. Alex was guessing the messy side was his side. He had always been a little too careless with his things and was never the person to always clean up after himself. The bed wasn’t made. The blankets were rustled as if they’d had been shoved around and hazardly thrown back over the bed and the pillows were lopsided and pulled close next to each other like it was one big pillow. 

 

He wondered how sleeping arrangements would be made tonight. He didn't want to kick Brendan out of his own bed but at the same time he sort of didn't  _ want _ Brendan to offer to sleep on the couch. 

 

They hadn't talked about it yet but Alex wondered how he felt about his  _ boyfriend  _ missing half of one of his legs.  _ Did he still find me attractive? _

 

He felt a strong hand on his shoulder that made him jump. “Oh shit, I didn't mean to scare you.”, Brendan apologized. 

 

He sat down on the bed in front of Alex. With a gentle expression on his face, he questioned, “So how does it feel?”

 

He wasn't sure how he felt. There was a trace of familiarity in the air but not enough to make him feel any different.

 

“It's feels weird that this is my home and I don't know where anything is.” 

 

“Yeah…” Brendan looked around the room, laughing nervously. “Listen, I don't know how comfortable you are with me sleeping here tonight, but-”

 

“No.” Alex interrupted. “I mean, I want you here. To sleep here...I meant. What if I need to piss in the middle of the night, who am I going to hop over to the bathroom?” He joked awkwardly.

 

Brendan didn't say anything, but stared at him and eventually forced a small grin that looked slightly pained. It was probably going to be a while before they could joke about this. 

 

Alex averted his eyes so he didn't have to keep looking at him. 

 

*

That night, after they settled in and put together a makeshift dinner, they were getting ready for bed. Alex was sitting up against the headboard, his one knee pressed up against his chest. One of the dogs named Jack- who had barely left Alex’s side all day was pressed up against his thigh, they were both watching Brendan in the hallway making sure all the lights in the house were turned off. 

 

Brendan walked back into their bedroom- the two other dogs, Cola and Yoshie right behind him, and looked at the two of them on the bed. “Aww look at you guys! He loves you so much, babe you don't even know.”

 

Jack’s ears perked up at that and he crawled over to paw impatiently at Brendan’s leg. 

 

Alex let a small smile form on his lips as he watched the other man pick the dog up and place him back on the bed. Brendan then proceeded to the bathroom they had in their bedroom. Alex wasn't sure if he should wait until he came back to get settled into bed or not so he awkwardly just sat there in the complete silence with the dogs staring at him.

 

Brendan came back out of the bathroom, now shirtless and he was just wearing a pair of light grey sweats. He climbed into bed next to Alex, and started to arrange the blankets over the both of them comfortably but stopped to look at Alex, who was still watching him.

 

“What?”, he asked.

 

“I-nothing. I just..it’s weird, that's all.”, Alex muttered. Then after a beat, continued, “Doesn’t my leg bother you?”

 

Alex wasn't looking at him now, but instead looking down at his amputated leg. 

 

“You’re just acting like nothing even happened.”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the other man turn his head away and sighed deeply. “I’m not trying to act like  _ nothing happened _ Alex,  but I  _ am  _ trying so hard to hold myself together right now. You know,  _ this _ -”, he gestured towards Alex’s leg. “-is not easy for me either.”

 

He looked at Brendan, who now had tears forming in his eyes. “Well, how do you think _ I _ feel? I’m the one who got in the accident and  _ lost my leg _ . I can’t walk like a normal person for the  _ rest of my life _ , Brendan.”

 

Alex was getting angry now. He didn't want to move on with his life if Brendan was going to act like everything was still normal.  _ Like he wasn't disabled now _ . It wasn't fair to Alex.  

 

With one last glance at the other man, who had his head down in his hands, Alex lied down and turned on his side facing away from him. The lamp on his nightstand was still on but he was too exhausted to reach up and turn it off. 

 

After a few long minutes of tension in the air, he heard Brendan exhale shakily and reached over Alex so he was hovering closely and switched his lamp off for him. The room was now completely dark. Brendan stayed hovered over him for a second and whispered , “I’m sorry.”

 

Alex knew that Brendan knew he wasn't asleep but he kept his eyes closed until the other man let up and laid down on his own side of the bed.  He squeezed his eyes together tightly and held his breath when he got choked up from all the guilt he felt. 

 

Well into the early morning, when Brendan had been fast asleep, Alex slowly sat up and looked around the room that was now filled with natural light that shone in from the heavy curtains.

 

He wanted to get up and walk to the kitchen for some water but didn't want to wake Brendan up to help him.  He hated feeling so weak, so vulnerable to someone he’s  _ loved _ for so long but he couldn't  _ remember _ . Alex couldn't believe how regretful he still felt for getting angry with him last night. His heart wrenched painfully at the thought of hurting Brendan’s feelings.

 

He wanted to cry at how overwhelmingly emotional he had become lately, but he couldn't help it- he was dealing with a lot. Therapy started tomorrow, which he was glad for. He needed it. 

 

With a glance at Brendan, who was still faced away from him, Alex slipped down to the end of the bed and decided that if he couldn't walk to the kitchen by himself, he could certainly crawl to the kitchen by himself. 

 

Carefully, he lowered himself onto the ground and started crawling and dragging himself to the kitchen. He put most of his weight on his hands and one good knee as the other one was sore and achy as the doctor said it would be for a while. He stopped midway to catch his breath, he felt ridiculous. He could have probably figured his way onto the wheelchair but part of him realized he was still feeling sorry for himself.  _ God, how pathetic am I _ , he thought, shaking his head.

 

Sighing, he continued on his way until he reached the kitchen. He then realized how is he supposed to reach up to the cupboard where the cups were and to the sink to get water. His mouth was uncomfortably dry and his throat was still scratchy so he couldn't wait. He felt the anger and frustration build back up in his chest, trying to let out a deep breath to calm himself- he then lost it. 

 

Tears began rolling down his still bruised cheeks, he laid there on the hard tile, sobbing. He was   _ finally  _ letting it all out- everything he had been holding in since he saw his amputated leg for the very first time. Alex had been trying to hold it all in, thinking that he’ll get over it soon enough, but he  _ couldn't  _ take it anymore. 

 

He laid there crying for a half an hour before he felt a pair of strong arms and a body wrap around him, he looked up to see Brendan’s sad expression. He looked like he was trying not to cry himself, so Alex just hugged him back just as tightly and buried his face in the other man’s chest. 

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I love you.”

 

*

It was later the next week after his third therapy session, when Brendan was helping him in the car, Alex asked, “Do you want to out go out for dinner tonight?” 

 

Brendan snapped his head back up and stared up at Alex. His heart gave a flutter. These last few days, he was feeling different about the other man. 

 

Alex was beginning to see why he fell in love with him in the first place. Brendan was the most loving, caring, genuine person he’d ever met. There was that an unexplainable feeling of affection towards him, that he both welcomed and pushed away.  It didn't help that his own mother was encouraging him to let Brendan back into his life as his  _ boyfriend _ , and not his  _ caretaker _ . Which, he wasn’t sure if he should take offense to or not. 

 

“Do..you mean like a date?”, Brendan beamed hopefully. 

 

Alex shrugged, trying not to make it a big deal.  “I guess, why not.”

 

Brendan started laughing uncontrollably, smacking his hand against the steering wheel. Alex glared at him. 

 

“I know you don't remember but that was your exact response when you asked me out for the first very time...It just makes me happy to know that you haven’t changed.” 

 

He seemed giddy and totally calm at the same time. Alex couldn't help but let out a chuckle. Brendan placed his hand over Alex’s and squeezed before he started driving. 

 

The place Brendan ended taking them to was about thirty minutes away from their house, this little run down breakfast place that was apparently open until the last mornings. Once they sat down inside, Alex looked around wondering why they were here. 

 

“We had our first date here, in case you're wondering. Haven’t been here since though- so I have no idea if the food here is actually good or not. I guess we’ll find out.” Brendan spoke softly. He was leaning forward on his side of the booth with his head rested on his hand as he stared at Alex with a smile on his face.

 

Technically, this was his first outing as an  _ amputee _ . Besides going to and from his physical therapy, Alex wasn't comfortable with the idea of leaving the house- so it was somewhat nice to get out with a change of scenery. 

 

He had noticed  a few uncomfortable stares from the others in the restaurant when they first got there, the thought of being  _ that person _ whose appearance makes other people unnerved made the bile rise up in his throat. He pushed that aside in his mind for another time and decided to try and focus on being here with Brendan.

 

“Sorry, I was just thinking.”, he explained when the other man gave him a quizzed look. 

 

“It’s okay”, Brendan said in a hushed tone. They made eye contact for a second like Brendan was trying to silently tell him  _ I’m here, everything's okay _ .

 

Alex cleared his throat when the waitress interrupted them to take their order. After she left, a very faint image of a Brendan looking out from a mountaintop view, the late day sunshine clouding around his outline appeared in the back of his mind. It was gone just as quickly as it came, but it threw Alex off. 

 

He focused back on the other man, who was going on about something that happened to him at work today. The mention of work made Alex think about his job at the high school. 

 

He didn't want to go back. There was no way he could go back to coaching  _ hockey _ . As a  _ disabled person _ . Who wants to be coached by an amputee with only one leg anyways? 

 

He was already on a temporary leave because of the accident, and it's not like if he quit it would be such a big shock. 

 

Brendan made more than enough money to support them in the meantime while Alex could take some time off to just focus on  _ recovering  _ fully. 

 

Without thinking, he blurted out, “What if I wanted to quit my job?”

 

Brendan looked taken aback for a second before regaining his composure. “I mean.. I can't tell you what to do. If you don't want to go back, that's fine with me but I want you to  _ really  _ make sure that's what you want to do.”

 

“Oh come on, you didn't really expect me to go back to coaching did you? What am I supposed to do, skate on one leg? Wheel around on the ice?”

 

“No, but you always did love doing what you did there. I know you did, Alex. Like I said, it's completely up to you. I’ll always support whatever decision you make.”

 

Alex felt another pang of guilt in his chest although he shouldn't have. It was up to him anyways. 

 

“Whatever, I’ve already made up my mind.”

 

Brendan just looked at him and went back to eating his food. 

 

 

*

When they got back home, it was starting to get dark and Brendan had told him he wanted to take the dogs for a quick walk. 

 

“I’ll be back in like twenty minutes or so, are you going to be okay?”

 

Alex nodded from where he was on the couch. He was flipping through the channels, not really paying attention to what he was watching. 

 

When Brendan left with the dogs, he glanced around the living room, suddenly feeling a little unsure. He didn't really know what he was going to do for twenty minutes by himself. Brendan hadn't left his side since they got back from the hospital, he’d even been working from home because he was too worried about him staying home all day alone. 

 

Alex accidentally knocked the remote off the couch when he was adjusting from laying down to sitting up. He muttered a curse and bent down to retrieve it where it was sticking out under the small side table that was next to the couch. 

 

He noticed a little drawer built inside the table and proceeded to open it to see what was inside. Alex had taken a liking to exploring and going through every little drawer or compartment he could find in every room. It was like a little surprise every time, sometimes he found things he actually remembers having and sometimes he had to bring things over to Brendan for him to explain why they had this or where this came from. 

 

After all, he had to start finding out where certain things were in the house and, well- it kept him busy for the most part.

 

There was nothing too exciting in the compartment, just a few spare flashlights, several packs batteries and some loose change.  Before he shut the drawer, something that was hidden under the various packs of batteries caught his eye. Alex pulled out a sturdy book, on the bottom right hand corner it had  _ ‘2016/2017’  _ inscribed on it.

 

The rest of the cover was dark teal and a nice gold binding on the side. He guessed this was a photo album.  _ Why hadn’t Brendan shown me this yet? _

 

He opened it up and the very first picture that was placed neatly in the slot was of him and Brendan, they were standing in front of their lawn both pointing towards the house as if to say ‘ _ Look what we just did!’ _ , this was obviously taken when they first bought the place. The house looked new and empty as can be, but the smiles on their faces were full of excitement.  _ God, we looked so young _ , Alex thought. 

 

The next few pictures were of each of the dogs as puppies and their various stages of growth. The last one of that section was Alex on the couch sleeping with Jack curled up contently on his chest. He felt his heart tug at that picture. That dog must have really been attached at his hip. 

The next section of the book was a couple pictures of them with both of their parents, a few with their sisters and extended family. Alex didn't recognize any of Brendan’s family, so he’d felt a little bad for that. There were pictures of just the two of them doing stuff like fishing or camping and skating, travel pictures of all the places they’ve been, the rest were various photos of them and their close friends- which again, Alex didn't really recognize any of them. He’d only guessed who they were based on Brendan had told him about them. He realized then, in all these pictures he’s seen so far- he looked _ so beyond happy, _ whether he was smiling or not in the pictures, he just looked so  _ satisfied _ . 

 

He started to choke up a little. Alex had this  _ amazing  _ life with this unbelievably supportive, loving and devoted man. They had it all but the last four years of his  _ amazing life _ \- was now gone.

 

In that same moment, he felt an intense wave of familiarity _ ,  _ warmth and _ recollection  _ washed over him. His brain wracking and sorting through images and words he had stored away as memories, thoughts, facts and _ feelings  _ all at once, and at the same time, it just felt like he was remembering what he’d had for dinner last night. It was like he’d just gone ‘ _ Oh, thats right.’ _ and came back into the present.

 

_ Holy shit. _

 

Alex just sat there,  in a dumbfounded state, trying not to cry  _ again _ \- he was simply overwhelmed. 

 

Taking a deep, shaky breath, he turned to the very last page and there sat a lone photo of him and Brendan sitting down on a lush green  _ mountaintop _ , overlooking a beautiful view. It looked like someone else had taken the picture and maybe, even caught them off guard because he and Brendan were laughing at something together, Alex had his arm slung across Brendan's shoulders, their hands tangled together loosely. 

 

Brendan had his head thrown back with amusement, and Alex was looking at him, terribly fond. This was the same image that Alex saw in the restaurant earlier.

 

_ Wow _ .

 

His head snapped up when he heard the front door open and the sound of nails clicking on the hardwood floors. He quickly maneuvered himself on his good knee to bend back over the couch to push the book back in the drawer but it was too late.

 

Brendan walked in with a relaxed smile on his face but froze when he saw what Alex had in his hand. Alex shot a glance to him and waited for his reaction. 

 

“Oh.”, was all that came out.

 

He slowly finished pushing the book back in table drawer and asked, “Why didn't you show me that before?”

 

“Um..I-”, Brendan struggled out, but he didn't finish the sentence because he abruptly stormed to the bedroom and slammed the bedroom door shut which made Alex jump. 

 

“Brendan!”, Alex tried.  _ Fuck _ . 

 

It was a good hour before Brendan emerged out of the room. Alex had dozed off on the couch, only slightly because his stump was hurting more than usual tonight. The compression garment helped a lot though, so it was sort of bearable. He felt a slight dip on the couch where Brendan sat down with him, quiet and oddly calm.

 

“Hey, sorry for that.”

 

Alex rubbed at his bleary eyes, trying to wake back up fully. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah. I..when I saw you with our photo album, it just all came back to me, you know? All of the times we spent together and you don't- it just sort of made me sad, I guess.”, Brendan sighed. 

 

He looked away and press his lips together tightly. “What if you never remember, Alex? How am- what are we supposed to do? I mean, where does this relationship go?  _ I love you _ and that will never change, but- you don't even  _ know  _ me anymore. Where does that leave us?”

 

“ _ Stop _ , Brendan.”, Alex demanded. He grabbed the other man's chin with his hand and forced him to look at Alex. “I. Love. You.  _ Nothing  _ is going to happen to us,  _ I’m  _ not letting that happen, do you understand? I may not remember absolutely every little thing that we’ve been through right now but I  _ know _ that we are going to be okay.”

 

Brendan just stared at him with doe eyes, not knowing what to say. But that was fine, because Alex then pressed his lips to Brendan’s so hastily that their teeth clanked together. They kissed sloppily for a few seconds and eventually got it together so they could slow down and kiss properly. 

 

After some time, they both pulled back to gaze at each other. Brendan’s eyes were half lidded and his lips were more red than usual. He lifted his hand from where it was resting under Alex’s shirt and cradled his cheek. “I missed you so much.”. 

 

“I know, it’s okay. I’m here.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> In case it wasn't clear, Alex did get some of his memory back, but not all of it. I really like writing this kind of stuff, so feel free let me know if you liked reading it! Also if you spot any typos and/or mistakes, please let me know. 
> 
> http://maxxie-patches.tumblr.com/


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